HAHA: vader giet gesprekken met zijn 4 jonge dochters in hilarische tweets

Me: Did you put away your laundry?

11-year-old: Yeah.

Me: Where did you put it?

11: Away.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2024

4-year-old: When can I play with my presents?

Me: After all your party guests go home.

4: EVERYBODY HAS TO LEAVE.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2019

9-year-old: I NEED ice cream.

Me: Why?

9: Ice cream doesn't need a reason.

She has a point.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2019

Me: Your teacher said you clean up her desk everyday at school.

7-year-old: Yeah.

Me: Why don't you clean up at home?

7: I come here to relax, not work.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2023

7-year-old: I'm hungry.

Me: You just ate.

7: What's that have to do with it?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2019

Me: Did you pick out all your clothes?

7-year-old: Yeah.

Me: You chose two shirts and no pants.

7: It's Friday.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2019

13-year-old: I need cool clothes.

Me: I think your clothes now are pretty cool.

13: That's the problem

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2023

5-year-old: Why do you do push-ups?

Me: So I look better.

5: Will they change your face?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2019

7-year-old: Can I watch TV?

Me: If you're nice to your sisters for one hour.

7: So I'm never watching TV again?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2019

Me: Hurry up. We're late.

3-year-old: Not if you hide the clock.

We'll never be late again.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2019

Me: You're supposed to be in bed.

11-year-old: I tried.

Me: You tried?

11: It didn't stick.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 12, 2024

Me: What do you want for dinner?

7-year-old: Cheese.

Me: That's not a meal.

7: It's everything.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2019

5-year-old: You're my favorite parent.

Me: Aw, thanks.

5: After Mom.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2019

5-year-old: I found my other shoe!

Me: That's great! Put it on.

5: I lost the first one.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 7, 2019

5-year-old: *SCREAMS*

Me: What?!

5: Just checking.

Me: No more sound tests.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 16, 2019

11-year-old: We were listening to really old music at school.

Me: Like from the 50s?

11: From the 90s.

Me: This conversation is over.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2024

5-year-old: I want to be a lifeguard.

Me: So you can save people?

5: So I can fight sharks.

Dream big.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2019

9-year-old: I need cake.

Me: You don't "need" it. You just want it.

9: I said what I said.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 21, 2019

Me: I said you could have fruit for a snack.

7-year-old: I am.

Me: Those are M&Ms.

7: Some of them are green.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2019

[sees a stray cat]

7-year-old: Can we take it home?

Me: Your mom is allergic.

7: We can get a new mom.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 14, 2019

[elementary school family dance]

9-year-old: Dad, what are you doing?

Me: Dancing.

9: Maybe don't?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 10, 2024

7-year-old: Can I go to my friend's house?

Me: Just play with your sisters. They're right here.

7: That's the problem.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 7, 2019

Me: Make your bed.

7-year-old: I'm on vacation.

Me: You're off school, not chores.

7: I thought summer was safe.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2019

Me: *pulls carrots out of the grocery bag*

4-year-old: *digs through the rest of the bag*

Me: What are you looking for?

4: The rabbit.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2019

13-year-old: Check out all the clothes Mom bought me at the store.

Me: How much did all of that cost?

13: Exactly the right amount because I'm worth it.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2024

4-year-old: *rubs my arm* Dad, you're so hairy.

Me: Is that bad?

4: Not if you're a wolf.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2019

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

6-year-old: Pizza.

Me: How about a bowl of cereal?

6: How about pizza in a bowl?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2019

4-year-old: I cleaned up the living room.

Me: Did you clean up your room?

4: That's where I put the mess.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2019